Whenever I read a column in the paper about children and nutrition, I cringe. Not because of the way I feed my children, but because of the way my parents fed me. Until I was thirteen, I didn’t drink anything that was not juice or whole milk, and then I was encouraged to add another beverage to my list – coffee. We ate meat every day (how else could I become big and strong?) and my mother made sure that an ample supply of cakes and cookies was always in full display on the counter lest anyone was hungry. My own children’s diet is completely different. It is not that I am a better parent, or all of a sudden have become a health freak. It is because my generation knows more about nutrition than my parents’.
When by brother was in school, he was labeled a “bad student”. My mother, a school principal, sadly resigned herself to the realization that her son was simply “not that bright” and there was nothing she could do about it. It was only his charm and good looks that ultimately enabled him to finish high school. In his 20’s, my brother was diagnosed as dyslexic, finished college and continued on to graduate school. Care and love of our children have not increased with time, only that today, our understanding of learning difficulties and how to deal with them, has been utterly transformed.
We feed our children better than our parents did; we help them to succeed notwithstanding their dyslexia and ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). We give them and do for them everything we can, so they will grow to be well-rounded, successful and happy adults. Yet, we are missing one core element of our children’s being – their spirituality.
Now, if you believe that humans are nothing more than material organisms you should read no further. I believe, as the French Priest and philosopher Pierre Teilhard de Chardin put it so brilliantly, that “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience”. Yet, being born with a spirit doesn’t mean that we automatically benefit from it. A child, who has the body and talent of Michael Phelps, will never become an Olympic swimmer unless he jumps in the pool. Spirituality is no different – it must be nurtured and practiced to grow and strengthen.
Spirituality is what gives life meaning and direction. It is the foundation from which values, morals, self-esteem and a sense of belonging all emerge. As a parent of three children and as a Rabbi who is involved with hundreds of preschoolers, I know for a fact that children are born with a strong and vivid sense of spirituality. And I also know that parents have the ability to foster it or to suffocate it.
The other day I drove my 6 year old son in my Mini Cooper. It was not too hot and not too sunny so we put the top down. “Hey Dad,” Ben said from the back seat,”God just gave me a high five”. Thinking that I didn’t hear him well, I asked him to repeat. Instead, he advised me to put my hand out so God will give me a high five too. I watched him from the rear-view mirror and was deeply touched. Ben was sitting in his booster seat, his hand out, his eyes closed. He looked like he was in a deep meditation. No one ever taught him how to meditate, it came from somewhere within himself. When we arrived at our destination I asked him if he was sure it was God and not the wind. “It’s the same, Dad” he said as he jumped out of the car.
Ben reminded me that a spiritual moment is when the ordinary becomes the astonishing; when an everyday car ride transforms into a connection with the Divine. Kids are innately intuitive and open.They are born with a natural sense of wonder and curiosity about their world – this is what spirituality is all about. Parents can learn from their children how to celebrate the small moments. By observing their kids they become aware that we can feel our spirit elevated not only on mountain tops or when we are on a beautiful island watching the sun set; it can happen anywhere, anytime. There are many ways to nurture your child’s spirituality and I will address them in my future posts. But the first step is to recognize that spirituality is as essential for your child’s well-being as providing good nutrition and excellent education.