In an ancient Jewish wisdom book, Ethics of the Sages, (250 C.E.), Ben Zomah asks:“Who is wise?” and he answers“He who learns from everyone.” Among the most important teachers, who are often brushed aside, are our very own children. Of the many things in which they arebetter than us is their ability of being in the moment. I like to spend time just watching my 6 years old son as he plays. He is not thinking about what happened to him the other day and is never anxious abouttomorrow’s tasks. Heis Darth Vader, and he’s a rock star, and nothing else in the world exists. Children live neither in the past nor in the future. They fully enjoy the present,whichunfortunately very few of us adults know how to do. Poet Ralph Waldo Emerson was right when he famously said: “We are always getting ready to live but never living.”
Our challenge as parents is twofold: first,we must be careful not to ruin the gift of “presence” that our children are blessed with; and second, we should use our young “teachers” as a model of how to interact with them. Often we misinterpret our children’s behavior. We label their behavior as dawdling or accuse them for not paying attention when they,in fact,are paying full attention – only to something else. On occasion we must interrupt their exploratory activities to have them perform some more mundane task like taking a shower. But if we consistently choose practicality over presence, we may cause our children to lose their curiosity, zest, and wonder.
After learning to appreciate in our children the skill of being in the now, it is time to implement it in our own life, especially (but not only) when we are with them. This means thinking of nothing else and doing nothing else but being present. If the parent is genuinely present while engaged with a child, the message he or she communicates is clear:”you are valuable to me.” On the other hand, if the parent is constantly thinking of something other than the present activity, then the child hears “you are not that important.”
At times we simply cannot give them our undivided attention; it is okay and they understand it. But if you ever pretend that you are present when you are not, they can always smell a rat. So, turn off your cell phone and your busy mind, and connect with your child today.